Sep 20, 2011

I don't want pity, I want my life back

Everybody walks by "hopes" your doing well. Even if they ask, you reply "I'm doing well thank you for asking" cuz you dont want let them in... I don't want pity; I want my life back but the matter of fact is my life will never be the same again, it went from full joy and laughter to late nights in the hospital and early mornings full of test and labs. I'm stunned that all this has happens since April. My dad asks me all the time what or how are you feeling. Is it trick question? Because I'm not sure if I am able to feel anything at all if; If do it's total frustration and anger though I have to hide. I have learned that humans are interesting. Although I originally didn't feel bad; all i had was a concern, no pain, no sickness but they keep digging till I feel pain or feel sickness. Is really necessary to tell about this pain or will they laugh in my face cuz I'm over-reacting but in the beginning I was under-reacting. It really makes me scared to honest with them... I feel terrible when I complain, there is somebody out there who is worse off than I am and is taking it better than me. I mean I am stage 2 of 4 I'm only half way bad...I don't even wana think about stage 4!!

- Sincerely Sarah's iPhone

Sep 19, 2011

Jake the Giraffe

It turns out that I had fallen asleep and my family went to the cafe to get dinner and coffee. When Maria saw that I was awake she came in and checked on me. When my family came back I was up for good. At first it was my aunt and my grandma. When they left my mom and my little sister, Anna, came in. Anna had her hands behind her back and she asked me what hand? I shrugged and she pulled out a baby giraffe stuffed animal (I'm obsessed with African animals ESP giraffes). I attempted to smile and act excited the best I could but I was starting to not feeling well. My mom set the head of my bed up and gave a cold rag. I signed to my sister that I feel like throwing up and she told my mom. My mom went out to tell the nurse and she came back. I signed it again and mom told shes coming. It not like my stomach was just upset... I was going to lose it but my mom didn't understand so I told Anna again and she started to look around for a basin. She was successful but there was something wrong. By the the nurse rushed in my body was going crazy and the crazy thing is I remember it. Most people say you don't remember things like this. There were several times that I thought it was a dream or I wished I was but I assure you, it wasn't. More of my right side was acting up. My face started twitching I had no control over my right eye though I did my left. It felt like my right side weighed 1000 lbs I could lift a finger literally. My blood pressure and heart rate was way off wack. Maria called a rapid response and asked my sister and my mom to wait out in the hall just for a min. She called my surgeon while other nurses was confirming vitals, doing Neuro checks and charting. When she got off the phone they wheeled to get and detailed MRI with other tests. Seriously? It couldn't be a stroke; could it?