Dec 2, 2011

Im still me but does anybody else realize it?!

I spent many sleepless nights in that ICU bed. The blood pressure cuff was driving me nuts. It going off every 2 or so hours and it was beginning to stick to my arm. The nurse was nice but she came in and did neuro checks every so many hours and gives me pain meds through the IV and then I would fall asleep for 2 hours or so. The sad thing is I lie awake looking forward to seeing her because she was my only friend until 6am when the doctors and students would come in and ask me to do things my body could not do. Have you ever told your body to truly do something and it would not listen? I have been evaluating myself for a few days now; as far as I could tell my cognitive process was still the same so why couldn’t I do a simple task such as lifting my arm. We study these things but when it happens, it is so surreal.  Would I be like this forever? Will people assume I intellectually challenged because I can’t speak or move my upper body? I looked forward to 6am because I knew I would see my dad turn the corner and pull up a chair and rub my hand with a tear in his eye and say he loves me. I think at that time only he and my sister Anna were the only ones in the building who truly knew I was in there…I was still me trying to get out.